Anti-Depressants and Suicidal Thoughts
by IrrelevantPenName
Summary: "If you're depressed you're living in the past. If you're anxious you're living in the future." That's not how it works you ignorant asshole. I'm depressed AND have anxiety. Where am I now? Omnipresent perhaps? Do you even know what it's like to be depressed? I do, because I've had depression since I was 10 years old. -VERY LONG HIATUS-
1. Prologue

'Hey I've had depression for 7 years now and you've been one of the main causes of it all.'

'Oh gosh! I'm so sorry! Please forgive me, I love you because you are wonderful! Just remember that things_ will_ get better!'

'Wow, because you've said that, I have a completely new outlook on life and my anxiety has been cleared!'

If you think that that was a realistic scenario of what happened when I told someone about my depression, you are wrong and you should crawl out of your elementary fantasies. Things change, but they don't always become better. Like when he died. Like when she developed cancer. Like when he burned it all down. And she crushed my foot. These are all fond memories that flashed before my eyes just as I was about to kill myself.

This must make no sense to you, so I should just start in the beginning. Not that you would want to listen since you already know the ending.

If you want to leave, you can. I'll still remember you, though. I remember everyone who leaves me. And soon, I'll leave too. I'll be gone. This useless, rejected failure with a boy's name will disappear in a bloody mess. And before I pull the trigger, I'll tell you how all this happened, if you hang around long enough. I think… I think I'll start from 7 years ago.

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**A/N: Prologue, very short I know. I plan on making this a pretty depressing story but with fluff sprinkled here and there. If you're not into sad stuff, GTFO CUZ YOU GON' BE SAD AN**' **IT WON' BE NICE**


	2. Cake, and Penguins, and Bubbles, Oh My!

It all started at Lissa Taylor's birthday party.

She was required by her parents to invite everyone in the 5th grade. Not that it mattered how many people she invited, her backyard had enough room to host everyone in the school.

In her backyard, the sun simmered off of red balloons, the cupcakes were frosted with heart shaped sprinkles, and there were pink streamers everywhere. Lissa Taylor was very fond of Valentine's Day. Oh right, her birthday is on February 13th, the day right before Couple's Day. Ironically, the gun in my hand has a heart shaped sticker on it. The world is a funny place.

Anyway, when the cake came out, (you guessed it; it was in the shape of a heart, to show how sweet Lissa Taylor's heart was. How nice.) her rich parents had her stand on a bench and make a speech to everyone. And it all just went downhill from there.

Lissa was pretty. When she stood on the bench, her red hair glowed in the sun. She had perfectly straight teeth. How bright her smile was too, when she embarrassed me in front of everyone in my grade.

"Hey guys! It's Lissa Taylor, but you probably already knew that!"

Cue exaggerated laughs from everyone.

"I'm so glad everyone is here today, and not just for the goodie bags!"

Everyone laughed even harder at that unfunny comment. What is this, The Big Bang Theory on CBS?

"Anywaaaysss, here's my cake!" she pointed to her 3-tiered cake, stacked high with pink frosting and white designs.

"As you can see, there're enough slices for everyone! But don't eat too much, or you'll end up like Max!"

Chortle. Making fun of my weight. Apparently everyone thinks it's hilarious to pick on the kid with a little more…pounds. The room (outdoors?) erupted into laughter and some parents had strained smiles.

I shouldn't have let that comment get to me. I shouldn't have had my face turn warm. I shouldn't have had let my face grow so warm in the heat that I fainted. I shouldn't have had Lissa Taylor's parents call my mom. I should've stopped my mom from picking me up while she was wearing sweatpants and a bathrobe with penguins. I should've stood up for myself when everyone at school called me the "Amazing Fainting Penguin".

Most importantly, I should've pushed Lissa Taylor into her stupid pink cake when I had the chance.

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7th grade. Field trip to a science center. 2 hour drive. Teachers assigned our partners. Guess who I was supposed to stick with for 4 hours? You guessed it, Lissa Taylor! Thanks Ms. Dwyer. You always make my day peachy keen.

"I don't really like you very much, and you don't look like a very good leader, so I'll choose where we're going." Well at least she's straightforward. All the girls in my school have unnecessarily complicated insults. And when I mean complicated, I mean like crossword-puzzle-Rubik's-cube-strapped-on-to-terrorists complicated.

"I'm going to the bubble exhibit." Can you believe it? They have an entire exhibit on fucking bubbles.

Lissa Taylor walked - no wait, skipped away, in her Jimmy Choo heels. Yes, a 7th grader in Jimmy Choo heels. Isn't America GREAT?

As I followed Lissa upstairs, I had no idea she would shove me into a bucket of liquid soap.

Oh, sorry, did you want an explanation with that? Nope. There is none, but I guess I'll go more in depth. When we went into the bubble showroom, Lissa Taylor simply shoved me into a tub used to make gigantic bubbles, to go and flirt with some guy with weird floppy hair.

It would have been nice if someone offered me a towel. It would have been nice if someone helped me out. Hell, it would've been nice if someone gave me a sideways glance. The only change in atmosphere was a slightly annoyed eye roll when Lissa got a drop of soap on her sweater.

At least I didn't make a big splash. I lost a lot of weight when Lissa insulted my "body mass" at her birthday party. A 13 year old 7th grader with only 90 pounds on her body stuck in a tub of liquid soap and not even the workers gave me a second glance.

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**A/N: I hate making Lissa seem like a bitch, I hate it. She had such an innocent role in Maximum Ride but everyone hates on her, but I gotta do what's convenient for the plot. YAY LAZINESS. I'm gonna try and post a new chapter once a week, but there may/may or not be a delay from time to time.**

***Don't complain in your heads, RANT IN THE REVIEWS! I'm trying super hard to make this story great and some constructive reviews would be a huge help!***

**Happy Holidays everyone! Eat cake! Decorate trees! Light menorahs! Give thanks! EAT CAKE.**


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